Nine Years

No amount of time takes the sadness away! Today marks nine years since Erica passed away and although I have accepted her death the sadness is still there. Three months ago our younger brother passed away and it's been very difficult for me. I'm just devastated! The sadness can be overwhelming at times and the tears just haven't stopped. I thought I did an okay job coping with Erica's death. It took many years before I could say I had accepted her death. The circumstances with my brother's death is completely different and I find myself struggling. Nine years have come and gone and new grieving challenges have begun.  

Five Years

 

This year on the fifth anniversary of Erica's death I find myself thinking about my nieces. My mother is still living and her mother is still alive, so it's hard to know how my nieces feel about the loss of their mother. It's not easy to visit with them about it because they don't want to talk about it. I just hope with each passing year as our memories fade and Erica's voice grows faint in our minds, that they know how much their mother loved them. Her girls meant the world to her!

Four Years

Another year passes and there are still times it doesn't feel real. I have moments when I pause and reflect on the fact that Erica is gone. There are situations I play back in my head and wish I could change. If only I had said this or done that, would things be different. What if other people who influenced Erica's life had made different choices, would it have made a difference.  Then I always come back to the reality that Erica is gone and that can't be changed. No matter how many times you wish things would have been different the reality is still the same. The reality that life is short and time continues on with or without us. If losing Erica has taught me anything it's to seize the day because you may not have tomorrow!

Three Years

Today marks the third year of my sister's departure to heaven and the start of Grieving Erica. I still miss her every day and there are still many aspects of her death that bother me. Not knowing the cause of her anaphylaxis keeps me wondering how this could have happened. If we knew exactly why she had this reaction it wouldn't change the outcome but it would at least give us a reason. The not knowing why leaves me open to create my own reasons and I would rather have a real reason than some of my creative theories.

After three years, time has healed the daily anguish that grief causes but it hasn't healed all wounds. There will always be that ache in my heart and the tears falling from my eyes when I think about losing Erica. Life moves forward but there was a part of our family lost on March 8, 2011 and that loss knows no time.

Two Years

Today is the two year anniversary of my sister's death. I still think of her daily and continue to picture her in my mind so I don't forget the many precious memories. Time has helped and the initial shock is gone, but there are still days that it doesn't feel real. The idea that someone you love is here one minute and gone the next, was a hard life lesson to learn. I still haven't deleted Erica's cell phone number from mine. I decided it was something I wanted to keep in my life. The idea of erasing/deleting her name from my phone was just not an option for me. There are still tears shed and times I wish I could pick up the phone and hear her voice or send a text. I still have a hard time hearing other women talk about doing things with their sisters, it's a reminder of the loss in my life. Grieving Erica will be a lifelong journey. Two years have passed and progress made, but I still face the rest of my life without my sister.

One Year

When Erica passed away on March 8, 2011 I honestly didn't know how our family would get through our loss.  Today marks one year since she passed away.  Everyone in our family has handled Erica's death in their own way.  My journey of grieving Erica was handled one day at a time.  With each passing day and then each passing month healing occurred.  Erica may no longer walk this earth but she lives on in our hearts.  Her legacy lives on in her daughter's and her beautiful smile lives on in the many pictures we cherish.   Day after day, month after month, and year after year I will not forget my sister.  One year of grieving is behind me, but standing before me is a lifetime without my sister.