What Would You Do?

If you knew you only had one week left to live, what would you do?  Would you write a letter to your children to let them know how much you love them?  Would you do something crazy or go somewhere you've never been?  What would you do?

At this time last year my sister only had one week left to live.  I've wondered what she would have done if she knew?  Since an answer to this question isn't possible, I've come up with an image of her in my mind.  I see my sister on the beaches of Hawaii in a straw hat laying on the beach with a pina colada in one hand and a book in the other.  Erica told her girls she would take them to Hawaii and she loved to read.  So, this image somehow comforts me. 

What would I do if I only had a week to live?  I would go to Busch Gardens in Tampa Bay, Flordia.  What would you do? 

Around the Table

The gathering place at my parent's house is the dining table.  It was around the table that I had my last conversation with my sister.  This last weekend I went home to visit and I couldn't help but remember that it had been a year since the last time I saw Erica.  When we gathered around the table this weekend the conversation topic was the complete opposite from last year.  There was no sarcastic humor or crude jokes, just the stark reality of the absence of my sister and the issues left behind.   

Great Grandpa Skeet

One year ago today, my great grandpa Skeet passed away.  He was 97 when he passed.  He had lived a wonderful life full of love for his family and service to his community.  He was married for 71 years before my great grandma Jewel passed away. Through his life he worked and provided for his family.   During the depression he worked for the WPA, he was a farmer and cattleman, he worked in the trucking industry for 22 years, and was elected as McClain County Commissioner from 1968-1975.  He finished off his career working as a field deputy for the county assessor's office.  He also served on the Washington City Council where he helped develop several areas of his hometown, Washington, OK.

Throughout his life, grandpa Skeet helped his parents, his family, his community, and anyone else that needed it.  He was a giving and kind man.  Many happy memories remain of my grandpa.  When we were kids my sister Erica and I stayed the night with our great grandparents Skeet and Jewel; the next morning they took us to the local diner and introduced us to all their friends.  I remember thinking that my grandparent's must be special because they knew everybody.  On the way home we convinced them to stop and buy each of us a stuffed animal.  You could tell grandpa was proud of all his grandchildren and he always had time to hear what you were doing.

The grieving process for my great grandpa Skeet was cut short by the sudden death of my sister Erica.  So today I want to honor my great grandpa for a life well lived, and a legacy of kindness and love for others.

Quote:  "A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart."  ~Author Unknown   

The Mirror

Sometimes when I look into the mirror, I see my sister looking back at me.  We looked enough alike that you could tell we were sisters.  When I'm brushing my hair in front of the mirror I'm reminded of her.  Before Erica passed away she was growing her hair out to donate to Locks of Love.  I admired her for helping others.  When I look in the mirror I see her nose and I can picture her purple glasses looking back at me.  The mirror helps remind me of my sister.  Although my sister is gone, everyday in the mirror she looks back at me.   

Last Valentine

Last year my sister celebrated her last valentine's day here on earth.  I don't know how she celebrated or what she did; she may have worked to keep her mind off her divorce.  The one thing I do know is I sent her a card I made.  The card was pink and covered in hearts, with a ribbon accent, and XOXO on the front.  I had just started making cards, so this was the only card I made my sister.  When we buried her ashes I buried the card with her, the last valentine I gave my sister.  I hope she knew I loved her. 

Quote: "A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost." 

~Marion C. Garretty

Eleven Months

Today marks eleven months or forty-eight Tuesdays since Erica passed away.  With every passing Tuesday another week of grieving is behind me.   When I think back to this time last year I would have never thought about my sister dying.  In fact I would have expected life to continue on in the same manner as always.  It just goes to show that we can't predict what lies ahead.  Eleven months ago I learned just how unexpected life can be.  The quote I picked today reminds me that I too would like an unexpected death.  There is some comfort in knowing that my sister didn't suffer a long illness that took her life.  She was able to live to the fullest everyday until she took her last breath.  It took me eleven months to see what a blessing she was given, the blessing of an unexpected death.

Quote: “Which death is preferably to every other?  ''The unexpected.”
~ Julius Caesar

As Time Goes On

You can probably tell by the lack of blog posts that as time goes on grieving Erica has become more manageable.  I still have moments that her death seems unreal.  I have moments where I break down into tears, but my day to day life feels more in control.  As time goes on my heart is still heavy when I think about my nieces growing up without their mother.  They have a strong supportive family and I know that makes a difference but it's not how I pictured their lives.  As time goes on I've noticed how many people are hurting with the loss of a loved one.  Each day another family starts their grieving process.  Erica's death has changed my reaction to the loss of life.  I've realized just how quickly life can change.  As time goes on different feelings and lessons will be revealed as I continue my journey through life.

Quote: Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.    ~Charles Caleb Colton