Two Years

Today is the two year anniversary of my sister's death. I still think of her daily and continue to picture her in my mind so I don't forget the many precious memories. Time has helped and the initial shock is gone, but there are still days that it doesn't feel real. The idea that someone you love is here one minute and gone the next, was a hard life lesson to learn. I still haven't deleted Erica's cell phone number from mine. I decided it was something I wanted to keep in my life. The idea of erasing/deleting her name from my phone was just not an option for me. There are still tears shed and times I wish I could pick up the phone and hear her voice or send a text. I still have a hard time hearing other women talk about doing things with their sisters, it's a reminder of the loss in my life. Grieving Erica will be a lifelong journey. Two years have passed and progress made, but I still face the rest of my life without my sister.

Memories of Fireworks

Memories of fireworks and Erica have been on my mind today. When we were growing up our immediate and extended family used to gather for a Fourth of July celebration.  This usually included hot dogs and burgers on the grill, mom's homemade ice cream, and some chilled watermelon.   When the sun set the fireworks came out.  I was always a little afraid of getting burned by the fireworks.  Not Erica!  Erica loved to light the fireworks.  Sparklers, Black Cats, you name it, the louder the better.  Erica always enjoyed this holiday.  Now, it just seems empty without her.  My memories of fireworks include my sister and I'm missing her today. 

Missing Moments

The last thing a young parent wants to think about is missing moments of their children's lives because of their unexpected death.  Unfortunately reality doesn't care if you don't want to think about this issue, it can still happen.  The subject of missing moments was on my mind all weekend.  Erica's youngest daughter had a memorable event this past weekend and it breaks my heart that Erica missed it.  Each time her daughter's have a birthday or participate in a special event I'm reminded of these missing moments.  It's hard to get past the fairy tale of happily ever after and accept the reality that life is unpredictable and you may not like the hand you're dealt.  Life is made from one moment to the next and it's up to us to make those moments count. 

What I'll Miss About Erica

photo © 2004 [n|ck] | more info (via: Wylio)Erica's death was so sudden, for the first week, I just couldn't believe it.  The tears wouldn't stop, my heart ached, my stomach was sick, and I wanted it to be a bad dream.  Still as I write this today, tears are streaming down my face.  It's been twenty-six days.  I hate looking at calendars now.  The calendar reminds me of all the days we won't have together.

The shock is gone and reality has set in.  So I made a list of a few things I will miss about Erica:

• Her Smile
• Her Stubbornness
• Her Sarcastic Humor
• Her Dedication to her Daughters
• Her Willingness to Accept People for who they are
• Her Ability to Stand up for Herself
• Her Approach on Life

What will you miss about Erica?

Erica's Memorial Service

There are a lot of things in life I have tried to either prepare for or protect myself from.  It is safe to say, I was not prepared for this, and I had no protection.

Erica worked for the Norman 911 Communications as a dispatcher.  Because of this, the Norman Police Department provided escort assistance to the church.  The Honor Guard was present and assisted the family and the service.

 http://normantranscript.com/obituaries/x2002720848/Erica-Lynn-Dover-Carpenter

The service was held on Saturday March 12th, 2011 at 10:00AM at the First Baptist Church in Noble, OK.  The church was packed.  Officiating was my brother Stephen Dover and Rev. Mike Roberts read the obituary.  My cousin Kristal Standridge shared memories of Erica and reflected on Erica as a mother.  Kristal also read a wonderful book titled, Wherever You Are my love will find you, by: Nancy Tillman.  I spoke about the qualities in Erica that I admired and read a poem.  My brother did a wonderful and loving job in his message about Erica.  Through the service three songs were played:

• One Day at a Time
• The Breath You Take
• Sissy's Song

This has to be the hardest thing I've gone through in my life so far.  There is so many things I wish I could have told my sister, if only I had known.  So don't wait, tell your loved ones how you feel, now.  We never know if we'll get tomorrow.   I regret not being more supportive, or telling her more often that I loved her.

If you want to read on I've included the poem I read.