Shopping Tears

While shopping today it was hard to hold back the tears.  For this story you need to know the history behind it.  Last Christmas something told me I needed to find something special for Erica.  I worried more about what I should buy her than usual.  I wanted her gift to show I put some thought into it.  I finally found a couple of things I thought she would like at this store called Belk.  When shopping today I found myself in the same department I bought Erica's gift.  The idea that I won't be buying her a gift this year entered my mind.  Then the shopping tears emerged.   I'm finding the ideas of the impeding holiday season to be depressing.  I'm sure there are many more shopping tears to come. 

The Nausea of Grief

photo © 2008 Pete Markham | more info (via: Wylio)

















For those out there who have never lost anyone close, there is more to your reaction than just tears.  I was immediately sick to my stomach.  The feeling of nausea took over my body.  From Tuesday when I heard the news through Wednesday, I barely ate anything.  By Thursday morning I was hungry but eating ended up being a bad idea.  I decided on a protein shake, I usually have one every morning.  I made my way to the kitchen, mixed up my protein shake, and down it went.  It tasted pretty good.  Within two minutes it was on my bedroom floor.  I couldn't even make it to the bathroom.  My husband, being the great guy he is, cleaned it up for me.  Now the tears started and I was a huge grief stricken mess.  I felt like the poor little sick kitty in the photo, helpless, sad, overwhelmed, and looking for answers.