105 Days

photo © 2008 Brian Forbes | more info (via: Wylio)

As the sun gets ready to set on another Tuesday, I'm reflecting back on the last 105 days.  My journey of grieving Erica has come a long way.  I can tell you it does get better, I don't think it will ever be easy, but my grief is more manageable.  I'm still struggling with a couple of things that I can't change, but I have faith that God has a plan and it's not up to me.  Each day a little more healing occurs and for that I'm grateful.

Quote: Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.  ~Tori Amos

Keeping the Peace

photo © 2007 thegoinggreenboutique | more info Most of my life I've been the one in the middle.  I may be the oldest sibling but it seems I'm always the one my family likes to unburden their problems to.  Well, keeping the peace is not an easy job.  There is no pay involved and it really doesn't feel like charity work.  The problems don't go away once you share them with me, but my ability to remain unbiased gets clouded.  I look and see situations from a position that may be none of my business.  I feel like some relationships with my family have been altered due to some burdens that I have been given.  I really don't remember applying for this job of keeping the peace.  Therefore I choose to learn from past mistakes and I am submitting my resignation.  Please give your burdens to the Lord so he may provide you with the guidance you seek.   

Daddy's Girl

Erica & Dad at 1994 FFA Banquet.

Within our family Erica was affectionately referred to as Daddy's Girl. If you called her this she would agree with you. Erica and Dad shared a lot of common interests. When it came to sports Erica was a better athlete than myself and she enjoyed watching sporting events with Dad.

When Erica was in high school she started showing sheep in FFA, Future Farmers of America. This provided Erica and Dad another activity to share together. They spent many hours taking care of Erica's sheep, attending sheep sales and shows and working on the project together. It was a lot of hard work but they enjoyed spending the time with each other.

Erica knew if she wanted something and she pushed hard enough Dad would give in.  We often teased that she had him wrapped around her little finger.  Whatever Erica wanted she eventually got.  She was Daddy's Girl.  We all miss my Sister, a piece of our family puzzle is gone.  This Sunday is Father's Day and I know it will never be the same for my Dad without my Sister.  They were lucky to share a special relationship. 

Making Changes

photo © 2011 Visual Artist Frank Bonilla | more info (via: Wylio)Losing Erica forced me to look at my life from a different perspective.  I've been content for a very long time to live an isolated life.  There are a ton of things I feel I should do but I always let someone dissuade me from taking action.  My life has become stagnant because I'm not serving my purpose.  Therefore making changes is the only way to get a different result.  There is always that delicate balance of doing what you feel is right and keeping the ones around you happy.  It has been too easy to lose sight of my purpose in order to keep others happy.  That stops today. We have one life and if we want to change things we have to start with ourselves.  So, I'm making changes.

What's Important

photo © 2008 Moyan Brenn | more info (via: Wylio)

In our modern day society people and families are extremely busy.  Most Americans work a forty hour work week and many find themselves working a second job just to get by.  The impact and stress of our lifestyles is affecting our families.  When this happens it is easy to lose sight of what's important in our lives.  Losing Erica knocked me back to reality.  There was a time when my main focus was my career.  I sacrificed my family to corporate philosophy.  Now, I find myself childless and wishing I would have done things differently.  But again, I always thought I would have time later.  Well, later is here and time is no longer on my side.  My version of what's important has changed through the process of grieving Erica and reflecting on my life.  I just pray it's not too late.

Grave Thieves

photo © 2010 Kirsty Andrews | more info Sometime after Memorial Day weekend grave thieves visited the Cemetery where my Sister is buried.  Luckily nothing was taken from her grave.  Some family and friends of mine discovered that their loved ones graves were robbed.  The people who committed this crime have no respect for the grief others feel.  To remove items left for someone else is just callus and cold.  Some of these items were handcrafted by loving family members in tribute to their loved one.  The emotion one goes through is hard enough when you lose the ones you love.  To discover that their victims of grave thieves is like rubbing salt in a wound.  It is painful!

My cousin was visiting her Father's grave during Memorial Day weekend and left her purse in the car.  Accidentally the car was left unlocked and someone stole her purse while she was at the Cemetery.  Now a purse can be replaced but what was inside the purse was irreplaceable.   Her wedding set was in her wallet and it was the one her parents were married with.  Her Father died when she was very young and this wedding set along with another ring he had given her Mother were very special to her.  Now I know crimes happen when opportunity presents itself.  But it is inconceivable to me how these people live with themselves.  Grave thieves will one day have to answer for their deeds.

Quote: Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught. ~J.C. Watts

    

Reflection

photo © 2010 Anita Ritenour | more info (via: Wylio)When our time on Earth is through what remains is a reflection of who we are.  This reflection can be observed in many ways.  Our possessions are a reflection of things we enjoyed and desired.  The words others speak about us are a reflection on the impact we had on others lives.  Maybe the biggest reflection of our lives will be remembered by the deeds we accomplished.  While grieving Erica my mind tends to wonder to the reflection of my life.  What impact and reflection will my life leave?  I know there are still a few things I need to accomplish before my time is through.  How about you?

Quote: Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us.  ~Alan Cohen