The What If's of Death

Everyday I think about my sister.  I often wonder how the choices we make affect our lives.  What if Erica had made different choices, would she still be with us?  Then I think about circumstances.  What if they were different?  What if Erica had a different Doctor when she went to the emergency room?  What if she had postponed the minor surgery she had?   One might think after grieving Erica for over six months the what if's would be over.  They're not, not for me anyway.  The what if's linger in my mind.  Then there's the harsh reality everyday that my sister is dead.  No what if's will ever change that.