No Goodbyes

One of the hardest parts about losing Erica was the fact that I didn't have a chance to say goodbye.  One minute she was here and the next she was gone.  Her sudden death reinforces the importance on relationships and making sure you leave nothing unsaid.  We never know if will get another chance.

There are many aspects surrounding her death that still bother me.  I keep telling myself that after we have the medical examiners report maybe I'll have a little more closure.  But I can never get the chance to say goodbye and make sure she knew how I felt.  No goodbyes were possible, no goodbyes were said.    

Measurement of Time

Over the last few weeks I've caught myself using Erica's death as a measurement of time.  Everything either falls into two categories: before Erica's death, or after Erica's death.  Before she passed away I would refer to time by either the week, month, or year.  Now, her death has become another point at which I gauge the measurement of time.  Within our family Erica's death had a huge impact on many of us and that impact will forever be a measurement of time. 

Unseen Wounds

photo © 2009 Adria Richards | more info (via: Wylio)When someone is injured or hurt there is usually visible signs.  A bandage signifies a cut, crutches for a hurt leg, and a cast for a broken arm, all of these are visible signs of a wound.  Grief is different, the unseen wounds we walk around with go unnoticed but are just as painful.  I believe it is easy for people to forget that someone is grieving because of these unseen wounds.  We look fine and we have no obvious signs of hurt therefore we must be fine.  This couldn't be further from the truth. 

I hope that others realize that my nieces wounds may not show for years to come.  The wounds of losing their mother may compound over time or new wounds open as they age and miss their mother.  Their unseen wounds may affect them in many different ways.  They will need the love and support of their family and friends for years to come.

Everyday we encounter others with unseen wounds.   It's easy to tell when someone stops using cruthes, gets their cast off, or removes a bandage, you can tell they are healed.  Just remember that the wounds of grief may go unseen.