Saturday, October 8, 2011

Little Comfort

'Almost Heaven WV Country Farm Sunset' photo (c) 2011, Forest Wander - license: my life I've heard people say "there in a better place now," referring to people who have passed away.  This idea that "heaven" is a better place than living has given me very little comfort.  If Erica would have been sick or had a terminal illness those words may have brought some comfort.  However, Erica was only 34 and in relatively good health with two daughters and family who loved her.  So, I have a hard time believing that "heaven" is the better place.  The better place is here with her daughters and family.

When my Grandpa Andy passed away, from complications after heart surgery, there were concerns that his cancer was back.  He had a very painful fight with cancer the first time.  The one thing that helped me deal with his death was I felt God spared him from having to go through the pain of fighting cancer again.  Telling myself that helped me to believe he was in a better place. 

I've tried to find something to tell myself to help justify Erica's death.  Something to help comfort me and help me accept it.  So far I've been unsuccessful.  I have found very little comfort while grieving Erica. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Another Tuesday

'All Different, All the Same' photo (c) 2009, Paul Walker - license:
It has been 31 Tuesdays since Erica passed away.  Each Tuesday comes with different thoughts, memories, and challenges concerning Erica's death.  I have a bad habit of going shopping on Tuesday after work.  Typically I go to Hobby Lobby.  The day Erica died, I did just that.  I got off work and went to Hobby Lobby and then the grocery store.  Several times over the last six months on a Tuesday, I found myself doing the very same thing.  So today I came straight home.  I don't like that a pattern has emerged in my life, especially one with a sad association.  The plan is to change things up a bit.  I know I won't stop shopping but I'm going to stop being so predictable.