Friday, September 16, 2011

Instant Treasures

Andrea & Erica, 1977

Throughout our childhood my mother was a picture fanatic.  We have numerous albums of family photos.  Those photos became instant treasures when Erica passed away.  When we were looking through albums to put together a slide show for Erica's memorial service, it was hard to pick.  There are so many great memories and photos of her life.  The slide show ended up having over 100 photos.  Each photo became instant treasures that are priceless to our family. 


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Feeling Alone

Image: dan /

The last few weeks I find myself feeling alone.  I have a great marriage and three wonderful cats but something is missing.  That something is kids.  I joined facebook to feel connected to others after Erica passed away.  I had the desire to be social and to reach out.    However, most my friends on facebook have kids.  Their posts and lives are centered around their kids, and they should be.  Reading their posts reminds me of what I'm missing.  I find myself feeling sad that I've never had children and this feeling of being alone is exaggerated.

My conversation with my husband a couple of weeks ago was about whether we wanted to be buried or cremated.  I told him, I see no point in being buried nobody will be around to come visit us.  Our tombstone will go unvisited and flower free.  Since this realization and conversation I can't shake feeling alone.  

I'm not looking for pity or for anyone to feel sad for me.  I honestly wasn't ready for a baby until 2007.  Then when we finally decided to start trying that's when the infertility issues emerged.  Life is full of choices and I made mine and I'm feeling alone because of the choices I made.