Stuck in Sadness

This week I've been stuck in sadness.  There isn't anything specific that I can blame my sadness on.  It just seems like the jet stream has pushed a sadness front my way and it hasn't lifted.  The front has produced some tears and mainly cloudy days that's left me feeling a little melancholy.  There are so many issues going on within me, within society, and within our government that makes me sad.  Many of these issues I can do nothing about but they affect me anyway.  Hopefully my forecast will change and my stuck in sadness front will be lifted.  Until then, I'm using my umbrella.

Resentful Feelings

When I first started my blog I needed a way to express my feelings while I was grieving Erica.  My hope now is that others can read my posts and realize that their not alone in the feelings they have over losing a loved one.  With that in mind, I'm going to be honest.  Recently I find myself having resentful feelings when I hear other women talk about their sisters.  Hopefully in time these resentful feelings will go away.  Right now all I can think about is all the things Erica and I will never do together.  When I see sisters laughing together those resentful feelings swell inside me.  I'm not proud of these feelings but they're there.  So, if through the grieving process you find yourself having resentful feelings for your situation, just know you're not alone. 

No Word

Many years back I was teaching an Applied Psychology class.  It was during this time that I had a student who lost an infant child.  During the course and conversation, I realized there was no word for a parent who lost a child to death.  When a husband/wife loses a spouse they become a widower.  When a child loses their parents they are an orphan.  When a parent loses a child there is no word.  The situation is almost unspeakable. 

In my life, I'm not a parent.  I've had friends who's child have died suddenly.  I know that I was at a loss for words when this happened.  So many people can't relate or don't want to think about losing a child that we as a society still have no word to describe the situation.  My heart goes out to my parents.  Although I have lost my Sister, they lost their child and there is no word to describe their grief.