Friday, May 13, 2011

Divine Intervention?

Clouds during lightning storm Texture_2photo © 2010 Dave Jackson | more info (via: Wylio)
Do you ever feel like things happen for a reason?  The week my sister passed away my husband was supposed to be out of town.  None of his trips had ever been cancelled last minute.  However, on Friday March 4th, he received a call from the facility he was going to visit and they had a mechanical issue that cancelled his trip.  It turned out he was in town on the day my sister lost her life.  Was this coincidence or divine intervention?  A day when I needed him more than I could have known, he was here.  It was one of those times when I thought "everything happens for a reason."  It definitely makes me wonder.   

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


cookingphoto © 2009 Rachel Hofton | more info (via: Wylio)
When a traumatic event happens in our lives it is common to develop temporary associations to events or situations surrounding the trauma.  My association was cooking dinner on Tuesday night.  I was cooking dinner when my Mom called me with the news about Erica on Tuesday March 8th.  I had an emotional breakdown in front of my stove.  So for the first month after, I didn’t cook a lot and I had my husband take me out to eat every Tuesday night.  It is two months later and today is Tuesday and I was able to fix dinner.  Progress!

Quote: Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.  ~Khalil Gibran

Monday, May 9, 2011

Two Months

Two Daisiesphoto © 2008 Mary | more info (via: Wylio)Many different feelings and emotions have been felt over the last two months.  Several of these emotions were new to me.  I had days that I didn't know how I would get through, but I did.  By taking one day at a time my life is starting to resemble something I recognize.  However, when I stop to think about what two months have felt like I realize all the days, months, and years to come that we will be without Erica.  This makes me sad.  

This weekend I experienced a "sneak attack," I was in the car waiting on my husband when a song on the radio brought back a flood of feelings and memories.  That overwhelming feeling came over me.  It was a hard weekend.  With it being Mother's Day yesterday and the two month mark of our loss my heart was heavy with grief.  My feelings are more in control on a daily basis, but I think it is safe to say that you don't just wake up one day and all of the sudden feel better.  It is a gradual process and by the way, I still haven't pushed delete.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Mother

In The Garden  -  Avia Veneficaphoto © 2010 Avia Venefica | more info (via: Wylio)In June of 1997 Erica became a Mother.  With today being Mother's Day, I know her Daughters are missing her.  It almost makes this holiday seem cruel.  It's too soon after our loss to have a holiday that clearly indicates what we've lost.  But I know Erica and she would not want us to wallow in her death.  She would want us to live.  Every good Mother wants their children to be happy and to build a life of their own.  I know Erica wanted this for her Daughters.  Just remember girls, your Mother is always with you and loving you from Heaven.

Quote: I am an onlooker on my daughter's dance, which I made possible because she came through me...I'm not a part of her dance. Yet whenever she takes a pause and needs someone to talk to, I am there. But that special dance with the child and the future is hers.
~Liv Ullman