Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Grieving Hearts

'two heart clover leaves' photo (c) 2008, Denise Rosser - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/It seems everywhere I look these days there is a headline about violence and death. I know that wherever there is death, there is grieving hearts. Families and friends mourning the unexpected loss of their loved ones. In my life I've experienced the expected death of a loved one and the unexpected death that sends your emotions on a roller coaster. It isn't something you wish others to feel. The shock, nausea and overwhelming grief from the unexpected death is a feeling I can't explain. What I find so sad, is a lot of these deaths are from random acts of violence carried out on innocent victims. Victims who were at the wrong place at the wrong time and lost their lives because of it. There is a lot I don't understand about random violence but I do know that it creates too many unnecessary grieving hearts.

If you find yourself at my blog because your heart is grieving, know that there are sunnier days ahead. What seems impossible to get through today will eventually get better. I don't mean that things will go back to your previous normal. The normal we once knew is forever changed. My heart still grieves for my sister and I know it always will. Her presence in my life is gone. I will always have a grieving heart.


Thursday, March 28, 2013

Done Trying to Rationalize

'peace doves' photo (c) 2011, Cornelia Kopp - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/Losing a loved one brings about many thoughts and emotions. One problem I've struggled with while Grieving Erica is trying to rationalize her death. It seemed I wanted there to be a logical explanation for the question "why Erica?" I found myself thinking and wondering if things would be different if this, that, or the other wouldn't have happened. There had to be a good reason to take Erica away from her daughter's, family, and friends... right??? That's what I kept trying to figure out, but I'm done trying to rationalize Erica's death. If there was a "good" reason, then it shall not be mine to find. Looking for and trying to rationalize death is a futile quest. I have decided this is an area where my faith in God should be placed. I'm done trying to rationalize, my mind has found peace and I pray my family finds the same. 

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33


Friday, March 8, 2013

Two Years

'Two Flowers' photo (c) 2005, Uwe Hermann - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/Today is the two year anniversary of my sister's death. I still think of her daily and continue to picture her in my mind so I don't forget the many precious memories. Time has helped and the initial shock is gone, but there are still days that it doesn't feel real. The idea that someone you love is here one minute and gone the next, was a hard life lesson to learn. I still haven't deleted Erica's cell phone number from mine. I decided it was something I wanted to keep in my life. The idea of erasing/deleting her name from my phone was just not an option for me. There are still tears shed and times I wish I could pick up the phone and hear her voice or send a text. I still have a hard time hearing other women talk about doing things with their sisters, it's a reminder of the loss in my life. Grieving Erica will be a lifelong journey. Two years have passed and progress made, but I still face the rest of my life without my sister.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Missing My Sister

'Snow' photo (c) 2012, Moyan Brenn - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/I know it's been awhile since I've posted my thoughts/feelings about Grieving Erica. My grief still exists but the grief is manageable. There are still many mornings that I wake up thinking about her. I think of her everyday! This week leading up to the anniversary of her death is always hard. Today, she has been on my mind a lot. Her laugh, her smile, her sense of humor, her candid words, the list could go on for the things I miss about Erica. In summary, I miss my sister.