Family

Sometime today I started thinking about the concept of family.  What truly is a family?  Even though I taught a Sociology class for a couple of years, I needed to remind myself of what I already know.  So when I arrived home I looked the word family up in the dictionary.  The American Heritage Dictionary defines "Family" as:

1. A fundamental social group in society consisting esp. of a man and woman and their offspring.
2. A group of persons sharing a common ancestry.
3. Lineage, esp. distinguished lineage.
4. All the members of a household under one roof.
5. A group of like things; class.

The definition and individuals interpretations, expectations, and perceptions can be quite different.  Our "ideas" of what we want our family to be like and how it really is can be complex.  Every individual in a family brings their own set of ideas, expectations and perceptions to the table.    One individual may want a close relationship while another likes to stand alone.  These differences can cause hurt feelings.  Circumstances, actions, and family history can leave lasting scars that are hard to overcome.  Families are not perfect! 

While teaching Sociology the one thing I would always say is this:  "Don't get hung up on the definition of family, family can be however you define it."  In our modern world the family has evolved and the word "family" may mean different things to different people.  So, if your current definition of family is not working out how you would like, maybe you should think about changing your definition.  To me, family are the people around you who love and support you regardless of our flaws, they will defend you when nobody else will, and they can look past the bad to see the good.  To me, a family is NOT one that belittles you, talks about you behind your back, and manipulates your life.  When you change how you look at family, you can change your life.  In the end you have to be happy with you!!! 

The Ones We Love

There have been many times I've wondered, why we hurt the ones we love?  It seems that family members forget that their loved ones have feelings.  Sometimes we take our bad days out on the ones we love.  We may treat our friends with kid gloves and make sure we don't say things we might regret.  When it comes to family, why is it so different?

Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of this too.  However, since Erica passed away suddenly, I've been reminded of the importance of the words we say.  You never know if the words you say right now, will be the last words you'll ever say, or the last words someone you love will hear.  With Erica, our last words was just passing conversation.  I couldn't have imagined I would lose my sister ten days later. 

The ones we love deserve more respect than we would give a friend.  When things get rough family should lift each other up and not tear each other down.  I guess the golden rule should be remembered, "do unto other as you would have them do unto you."  Look at the situation through your loved one's perspective and not just your own.  At the end of the day family is what matters, we need the ones we love. 

What's Important

photo © 2008 Moyan Brenn | more info (via: Wylio)

In our modern day society people and families are extremely busy.  Most Americans work a forty hour work week and many find themselves working a second job just to get by.  The impact and stress of our lifestyles is affecting our families.  When this happens it is easy to lose sight of what's important in our lives.  Losing Erica knocked me back to reality.  There was a time when my main focus was my career.  I sacrificed my family to corporate philosophy.  Now, I find myself childless and wishing I would have done things differently.  But again, I always thought I would have time later.  Well, later is here and time is no longer on my side.  My version of what's important has changed through the process of grieving Erica and reflecting on my life.  I just pray it's not too late.

Family Dynamic

photo © 2008 Kevin McManus | more info (via: Wylio)My heart aches because my family has lost more than just my Sister.  We have lost our family dynamic.  The way we interact with each other within our family has been shifted.  One part almost feels like its being forcibly removed from our lives.  You can see the distance building with my nieces.  They used to be the center of our family events and they are a tie that binds us together.  Now that tie is loosening and the difference in our family dynamic is apparent.

Grieving Erica is three times as hard because I feel like I not only lost my Sister but I'm losing her girls.  I love them like they were my own and would do anything for them.  But I feel I have no power to make a difference in their lives.  This is extremely painful and heart wrenching for myself and my family.  Losing Erica changed our family dynamic enough, to lose her girls would be unbearable.

Broken Puzzle

photo © 2008 Andreanna Moya | more info (via: Wylio)If a family is a puzzle and each of us a piece, what happens when one piece is missing?  Erica was a piece in our family puzzle, she filled her space.  That space is now empty.  With time that space may heal but the puzzle will never look the same.  There will always be an empty spot where her piece fit.  It is hard to accept that a piece of your puzzle is missing.     

I'm feeling nostalgic today.  Thinking about memories of Erica.  We put many puzzles together through the years.  I like the easy ones, three hundred pieces max, but she would tackle the hard ones.  She was never one to back down at the thought of a challenge.  So as I face the challenge of picking up the pieces from my broken puzzle, I'm forced to realize our family puzzle will never be the same.