Saturday, July 30, 2011

Switching My Focus

'Hello Bug!' photo (c) 2007, Paul Sapiano - license: the last couple of weeks I've been working on switching my focus.  It's time for me to move on.  I have used my blog as a therapy tool and it has really helped.  But recently I've noticed that switching my focus is good for me.  I will continue to write my blog as memories, events, and milestones occur.  It is my hope that my blog has helped others as they grieve the loss of a loved one and I hope each of you will get to the point where you can switch your focus.

For tracking purposes it has been 144 days since I started grieving Erica.  May she rest in peace. 

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning how to dance in the rain.  ~Vivian Greene

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Christmas Conundrum

'IMG_0994.jpg' photo (c) 2006, Windell Oskay - license: the first four months after Erica passed away behind us, we inch closer to the end of the year.  All this talk of Christmas in July is getting to me.  I have several issues with the holidays.  The biggest issue is the one I created, my own personal Christmas conundrum.  Five years ago I decided I wanted a baby.  So I set a goal of getting pregnant by Christmas.  Christmas came and I wasn't pregnant so I pushed it back a year.  I will get pregnant by next Christmas.  Well long story short I'm still not pregnant.  This goal I set for myself has ruined the holidays for me.  Everyone around me gets pregnant but not me.  I can already feel the pre-holiday anxiety building.  But this year is different.  This year my Christmas conundrum is compounded by the absence of Erica.  Last year I had a complete melt down and I'd really like to skip this year entirely.  Let this be my notice to my family, this year my Christmas conundrum may be too much for me to handle.