One Year

When Erica passed away on March 8, 2011 I honestly didn't know how our family would get through our loss.  Today marks one year since she passed away.  Everyone in our family has handled Erica's death in their own way.  My journey of grieving Erica was handled one day at a time.  With each passing day and then each passing month healing occurred.  Erica may no longer walk this earth but she lives on in our hearts.  Her legacy lives on in her daughter's and her beautiful smile lives on in the many pictures we cherish.   Day after day, month after month, and year after year I will not forget my sister.  One year of grieving is behind me, but standing before me is a lifetime without my sister. 

The Call

There are numerous things that I forget on a daily basis but the call I received about my sister's death is burned into my memory.  Nothing prepares you for the call about a loved one passing.  It's safe to say that we had no family plan on what to do when an unexpected death occurred.  I realized that my phone list was seriously out of date.  I didn't know who I should call or what I should do.  I didn't want to call people on their cellphones because I didn't know what they would be doing.  I live over two hours away from my parents and I knew that the loss of my sister was devastating to everyone.  Getting the call sent my system into a grief induced nausea anxiety attack.  I was immediately sick to my stomach and felt like I was going to hyperventilate. The day we lost Erica is burned into my memory.  I may forget where I put my car keys but I know exactly what happened on Tuesday, March 8, 2011.  

I Still Wonder

I don't think it will matter how many days, months, or years go by there will always be things that I still wonder about concerning Erica's death.  I still wonder about the circumstances in her life, and I wonder how if  different decisions had been made by the individuals who impacted her life maybe she would still be alive today.  It's long been said that with every action there is a reaction and with every action a consequence.  The thing is sometimes we fall victim to others actions or inaction.  I believe stress was a huge factor in my sister's death.  Some of this stress was brought on by her decisions but a lot of the stress she was under came from others.  This is why I still wonder if others had made different choices would my sister still be here today?