Friday, October 10, 2014

A Birthday Not Forgotten

It was a rainy day today and the dark and gloomy sky mirrored my feelings. Today my sister would have turned thirty-eight. Although she is no longer with us her birthday was not forgotten. It was a reminder to me to make sure you don't leave things unsaid and to seize the opportunities you have while you still have them. At any moment life can change and the time you thought you had is gone. I miss my sister!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Three Years

'Three friends' photo (c) 2009, Tambako The Jaguar - license: marks the third year of my sister's departure to heaven and the start of Grieving Erica. I still miss her every day and there are still many aspects of her death that bother me. Not knowing the cause of her anaphylaxis keeps me wondering how this could have happened. If we knew exactly why she had this reaction it wouldn't change the outcome but it would at least give us a reason. The not knowing why leaves me open to create my own reasons and I would rather have a real reason than some of my creative theories.

After three years, time has healed the daily anguish that grief causes but it hasn't healed all wounds. There will always be that ache in my heart and the tears falling from my eyes when I think about losing Erica. Life moves forward but there was a part of our family lost on March 8, 2011 and that loss knows no time.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Another Empty Bed

It's been a while since I've posted anything on this blog. Grieving Erica was still a challenge during the holidays but my grief for my sister was over shadowed by our concern for our beloved pet orange/red tabby. He had been sick since Labor Day weekend when his kidney levels spiked off the charts and we almost lost him. The emergency vet clinic was able to stabilize him and over the following months his kidney levels (creatinine and BUN levels) went back to his previous normal. We were feeling relived and then recently he took a turn for the worse. We could tell his breathing was getting short and frequent and we became concerned. We took him to our vet and they did an x-ray and ultrasound and they discovered he had fluid on and in his lungs. At this point we became increasing concerned. Within a week his breathing became more labored and he was beginning to get weak. Our vets referred us to a internal medicine vet who has a better ultrasound machine. He did a needle biopsy of the fluid on his lung and did another x-ray. The news came back that he had cancer. The vets didn't recommend surgery for him because of his decreased kidney function and they didn't feel he would survive the surgery. From the Friday 12/27/2013, that we learned the diagnosis to the Monday 12/30/2013, it was painfully clear this was the end for our buddy. Our home now has Another Empty Bed where he loved to sun himself. Now that he is gone our house feels empty and my hubby and I are overwhelmed with sadness and tears. One of my favorite quotes about cats rings true at the moment...
"I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little they become it's visible soul." ~Jean Cocteau
 That bright spot at the start and end of our day is gone and it's something that can never be replaced. Our buddy is forever in our hearts.

April 2001 - December 30, 2013