Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Feeling Alone

Image: dan /

The last few weeks I find myself feeling alone.  I have a great marriage and three wonderful cats but something is missing.  That something is kids.  I joined facebook to feel connected to others after Erica passed away.  I had the desire to be social and to reach out.    However, most my friends on facebook have kids.  Their posts and lives are centered around their kids, and they should be.  Reading their posts reminds me of what I'm missing.  I find myself feeling sad that I've never had children and this feeling of being alone is exaggerated.

My conversation with my husband a couple of weeks ago was about whether we wanted to be buried or cremated.  I told him, I see no point in being buried nobody will be around to come visit us.  Our tombstone will go unvisited and flower free.  Since this realization and conversation I can't shake feeling alone.  

I'm not looking for pity or for anyone to feel sad for me.  I honestly wasn't ready for a baby until 2007.  Then when we finally decided to start trying that's when the infertility issues emerged.  Life is full of choices and I made mine and I'm feeling alone because of the choices I made. 

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