The Empty Bed

Ms. Precious had several favorite places to lay around the house.  One spot in particular was her favorite, the cat bed we placed on a box in front of a window.  The empty bed makes me sad.  Every morning and afternoon you could find her there.  She would watch the birds and warm her old bones in the sun.  She loved it there.  The empty bed is symbolic of the empty place she left in my heart. 

The Empty Bed

We went through a lot together.  I was a senior in high school when she came into my life.  I went to college and through the years many people came and left my life, but she was always there.  When I was sad, she was there.  When I was happy, she was there.  She had the sweetest disposition and was my bright spot in a lot of dark days.  The empty bed is the end of a twenty year chapter of my life and what a great chapter it was!  

Precious on her bed 12/13/2011

Heartache

Andrea & Precious, 1993

Throughout my life there will be many reasons for heartache.  Tonight my heartache was caused by losing my twenty year old cat, Precious.  For the last year we had given her fluid therapy to help her ailing kidneys.  We knew that our time with her was limited but to watch her blue eyes fade was a heart breaking experience.  When you first fall in love with an adorable baby animal the furthest thing from your mind is having to deal with a death experience.  Time moves quickly and over the weekend we knew her time had come.  The heartache I feel today will not be quickly forgotten.  Rest in peace my Precious. 

Quote: "No heaven will not ever Heaven be. Unless my cats are there to welcome me." ~Anonymous


     

Nine Months

Today marks nine months since Erica passed away.  As I reflected back through the months of grieving Erica, the circle of life entered my mind.  Somewhere another family is welcoming a new baby into their lives.  The hopes and dreams for this child were created nine months ago.  While one family experiences the joy and happiness a new baby brings, another family will grieve a loss today.  The circle of life continues on.  Nine months today my sister passed away.

Quote: Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume.  ~Jean de Boufflers

I Survived

I survived the Thanksgiving holiday.  Last minute changes with my nieces schedules allowed them to spend the holiday with us.  It was wonderful to be able to spend time with them.  I survived seeing extended family and having five days off with my husband.  This means I'm halfway through the holidays.  I will continue my positive strategy through the first of the year.  When we reach the New Year, I will be able to say I survived the holidays!

Being Thankful

As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow, I'm trying to look past the grief and focus on being thankful.  Grieving Erica will be difficult during the holidays.  The positive in my life is easy to lose focus on at times.  Being thankful for the blessings in my life may be the only thing that pulls me through the holidays.  Here are my three tips to stay positive during the holidays:

• Find three positive things in your life that you are thankful for and stand in front of a mirror first thing in the morning and tell yourself three positive affirmations.  Repeat these affirmations at bedtime.
• Avoid negative people and negative conversations.
• Give yourself a break, don't commit to holiday functions that will add stress to your life.

While I have found no magic formula for staying positive, I do know that negativity is the quickest way to ruin your day, week, month, or year.  Being thankful for what we have and not focusing on what we don't, is easy to say but harder to practice.  I will take each day at a time, focusing on being thankful and being positive.

Still NO Report

It has been eight months since Erica passed away and the medical examiner's office is still not completed with their report.  We were told that all reports are finished within six months.  This has proven to be untrue.  It has really made me wonder how reliable the medical examiner's report will be. 

Again, there is a false reality that the medical examiner determines the cause of death before they release the body.  Nobody has told my family that Erica, for sure, died from an allergic reaction to medication.  The media knew the cause of death for Austin Box within a couple of months, and he died after my Sister.  How can one case be released within two months and another case still open after eight.

Our family needs closure!  With the holidays coming up this is another cloud looming over our lives.  Grieving families shouldn't have to keep calling the medical examiner's office week after week.  No report after eight months is simply unacceptable! 

Eight Months

Over the last eight months grieving Erica, time has eased the day to day emotional pain.  My days are back to normal most of the time.  But sitting here on a Tuesday on the eighth month after her death, the sadness is persistent.  The day is rainy and the sky is gloomy which seem to mirror how I feel inside.  There are still times when I find myself thinking it just doesn't seem possible.  How could this have happened?

Eight months is just a fraction of time when I think about the many years ahead without my Sister.  There were times I didn't agree with what she did and times she wasn't happy with me, but we were Sisters.  That's a term I don't get to use anymore.  It's all past tense and eight months isn't long enough to get used to that. 

Quote: “To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.”  

 ~ Erich Fromm