As Time Goes On

You can probably tell by the lack of blog posts that as time goes on grieving Erica has become more manageable.  I still have moments that her death seems unreal.  I have moments where I break down into tears, but my day to day life feels more in control.  As time goes on my heart is still heavy when I think about my nieces growing up without their mother.  They have a strong supportive family and I know that makes a difference but it's not how I pictured their lives.  As time goes on I've noticed how many people are hurting with the loss of a loved one.  Each day another family starts their grieving process.  Erica's death has changed my reaction to the loss of life.  I've realized just how quickly life can change.  As time goes on different feelings and lessons will be revealed as I continue my journey through life.

Quote: Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.    ~Charles Caleb Colton

Life Happens

We are blessed everyday when we wake up in the morning.  We have been given another day to discover something new, or complete an unfinished task.  Along the way life happens.  Life happens in positive and negative ways.  I believe the way we deal with life issues is a true testament to one's character.  There seems to be a lot of negativity circling around these days.  It can be hard to stay positive when the people around you want to spread their negativity.  Life happens to everyone.  Nobody is immune to the ups and downs of life.  A big part of life is how we react to problems.  Will you let the problem define you, or will you define the problem?

Quote: "All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."  ~Walt Disney

 

 

Precious's Urn

Precious's Urn

Today marks a month since Precious passed away.  We miss her very much.  Since we live in the city we had her cremated and placed in a nice urn.  The urn sits on our fireplace hearth near a spot she used to lay.   Precious may be gone but she has a permanent place in our hearts. 

Ten Months

It has been ten months since Erica passed away.  Thinking about Erica the other day I had a strange realization.  This time last year, my sister only had two months left to live.  Of course she had NO idea that her life would be over in the coming months.  This prompted me to reflect on my life and the path that I'm on.  We never know when we might be living out our last two months of life.  I guess that's where the saying "life happens when we are busy making plans" comes into play.  The plans we make today may never happen if death comes our way.

Ten months of grieving Erica has forced me to be realistic about life.  I no longer live in my "everything will be fine" world.  The jolt of Erica's death was a wake up call for me.  When it comes to life, there are no second chances.  When your time is up, the game is over. 

Remember Erica

Candle lit for Erica

The hours and minutes of 2011 are fading fast and soon it will be 2012.  This last year was filled with grief and heartache for our family.  As we move into the new year it seems appropriate to stop and remember Erica.  During a Christmas church service Erica's oldest daughter lit a candle in her memory.  Our memory and photos are all we have left to remember Erica.  Thank goodness for the photos because my memory is not what it used to be.  If you have a memory of Erica please leave a comment.  The best way to remember Erica is to keep the stories of her life alive.  Best wishes for a great 2012!

Grieving at Christmas

As we approach Christmas without Erica, many other families are doing the same.  Whether you lost a loved one many years ago, nine months ago, or last week, grieving at Christmas can make the holiday challenging.  The sorrow I feel in my heart can easily overtake my Christmas spirit.  It has been a struggle to push forward and enjoy the holiday routine that I've had in previous years.  But, I'm doing it.  One step at a time.  I may be grieving at Christmas and things will never be the same but I will take the leap and dive into Christmas head first.

Quote:  May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown

Anaphylaxis

The official cause of Erica's death from the medical examiner is anaphylaxis.  Although in their report they could find no trigger that lead to her reaction.  Therefore it was deemed an accidental death.  The antibiotic that she was on, Bactrim ds, wasn't even found in her system.  This prompted me to do a little research.  It seems that the medical community has started to notice and use a term called, stress-induced anaphylaxis.  Exercise and anxiety can also increase your risk of anaphylaxis.  In summary we will never know exactly what triggered Erica's anaphylaxis.

Quote:  

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr