Another Moment Missed

Yesterday was another moment missed in the lives of Erica's daughters.  I couldn't help but think about the significance of the day.  It's sad because even though we move on with our everyday lives these special moments are always going to be hard.  It also depends on who's perspective you're looking at.  Everyone is affected in different ways.  Moments that don't affect me may have a profound affect on my parents, brother, or Erica's friends.  Each of us grieve Erica and have been impacted by her death in different ways.

For me, one thing that I have learned through losing my sister, is that you never truly understand the impact someone else has on your life until they are no longer here.  It's too easy to get wrapped up in our own lives to realize the value each relationship have to us.  Now, each moment missed I am reminded that I should have taken the time, when I had it, to make the best of our time together.  Another moment missed and another lesson learned too late.       

A New Meaning

Today is Memorial Day and for a lot of people it's just an extra day off work.  However, there is a new meaning to this day for those who have lost a loved one.  It's a day to remember and appreciate the sacrifice of our soldiers and the legacy of our loved ones.  It's a day to be thankful for what we have and to recognize the impact of those before us.  This day has a new meaning for me.  Grieving Erica forced me to realize the fragility of life and to see the true impact we all have on each other.  Sometimes it takes the absence of a loved one for a new meaning to be revealed.

Clouds of Grief

This weekend I celebrated my birthday.  It was the second birthday I've celebrated without my sister.  Last year I was still shocked that she was gone.  I looked back to see what I wrote on my blog and I'm glad I did.  Click here to read that post, Seeing a Rainbow.  It's amazing the difference a year makes. You could say I have seen the rainbow at the end of the grief storm.  This storm left a lot of wreckage in it's wake and many things will never be the same again.  For a long time it seemed the clouds of grief would never lift but life has a way of turning things around.  It happens a little bit at a time until one day you realize the clouds of grief have lifted and sunny skies have returned.

Erica Awarded a Posthumous Degree

There were many things my mother had to attend to when Erica passed away.  One thing my mom pursued was getting Erica awarded a posthumous degree.  Erica was working full time and going back to school to obtain her Bachelor's degree in Nursing.  When Erica passed away she was one semester away from graduating with her degree.  My mom's persistence paid off and tonight she will have the honor of accepting Erica's posthumous degree from Oklahoma City Community College. 

I sometimes wonder how my sister did it.  She was a single mom working a full time job and she still found the time to pursue her education.  This degree is a reminder to her daughter's that Erica sacrificed a lot to pursue her goal of obtaining a degree to help give them a better life.  I want to thank my mom for pursing this.  The posthumous degree is a wonderful tribute to honor Erica.

Missing Moments

The last thing a young parent wants to think about is missing moments of their children's lives because of their unexpected death.  Unfortunately reality doesn't care if you don't want to think about this issue, it can still happen.  The subject of missing moments was on my mind all weekend.  Erica's youngest daughter had a memorable event this past weekend and it breaks my heart that Erica missed it.  Each time her daughter's have a birthday or participate in a special event I'm reminded of these missing moments.  It's hard to get past the fairy tale of happily ever after and accept the reality that life is unpredictable and you may not like the hand you're dealt.  Life is made from one moment to the next and it's up to us to make those moments count. 

Joined in Heaven

Today my grandpa Andy and my sister were joined in Heaven by our lifelong neighbor and friend Travis Grayson.  Travis was a kind and warm hearted man who could always make me smile.  I grew up across the street from his farm where he raised cattle and the occasional pony.  I was one of the lucky ones who was given permission to fish at his amazing ponds.  My grandpa and Travis were great friends who would help each other with farm projects and shared farm equipment.  When my grandpa passed away it helped knowing Travis was still around.  My heart is heavy for our loss of a truly great man, but I rejoice in knowing that joined in Heaven are great friends who are catching up on old times.    

Quote: "Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality". ~Emily Dickinson

The Easter Reminder

This was the second Easter without my sister.  I know every year I will experience the Easter reminder.  The celebration of Easter reminds me that because Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice for our sins we shall have eternity together.  Although Erica has left her earthly body, her spirit is alive.  The Easter reminder should be a daily reminder of God's love for each of us. 

John 3:16 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life".