Between You and God

This is not my original work.  I copied it from a friend on facebook who copied it from a friend of hers.  I really like the message and I wanted to share.  These are great words to live by.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.....

Five Months

Another month has passed since Erica left this earth.  I have to tell you that part of me feels guilty for feeling better.  I still think of her everyday but grieving Erica probably isn't the term I should use anymore.  I've moved on from grieving to remembering Erica.  I guess you can say I'm in the acceptance stage of grief.  There is still healing that needs to be done before I can say I'm letting go, but I'm headed in that direction.  One day at a time.  

Quote:  Healing yourself is connected with healing others. ~Yoko Ono

Farewell My Friend

This morning I attended the funeral of a Dear Friend and neighbor.  It was a beautiful service that honored her memory well.  There are very few people who hold the title of "Friend" in my life but Marty was easy to love.  She was vivacious and classy and her energy just drew you in.  I would like to share with you the poem from her service.

I'm There Inside Your Heart

Right now I'm in a different place,
and though we seem apart,
I'm closer than I ever was...
I'm there inside your heart.

I'm with you when you greet each day
and while the sun shines bright,
I'm there to share the sunsets, too...
I'm with you every night.

I'm with you when the times are good
to share a laugh or two,
and if a tear should start to fall...
I'll still be there for you.

And when that day arrives
that we no longer are apart,
I'll smile and hold you close to me...
Forever in my heart.

Indeed she will be, forever in my heart.  Farewell my friend until we meet again.

Some Comfort

Wednesday evening I watched the show Beyond Belief.  This episode interviewed several people who had near death experiences.  One of my issues is worrying about Erica being in pain and scared before she died.  This show helped to give me some comfort about the moments before we die.  Several people described the experience as the greatest peace they had ever felt.  They said they weren't scared and had no memory of pain.  Now, I realize there was no proof offered and many reasons to be skeptical but I'm choosing to find some comfort in their testimonies.  The picture of death they painted was a lot better than the picture my mind had created.  Some comfort is better than none. 

Another Loss

Yesterday I attended a funeral for another family member.  Our family lost a great man, Louis Kindrick.  He was a distant relative of mine; he was the Granddad to a couple of my favorite cousins.  Mr. Kindrick was always a kind man with a great disposition.  The service was a lovely reflection of his life and his devotion to his family.  I had great admiration for Mr. and Mrs. Kindrick for being married for 63 years.  My heart and thoughts go out to Dolores and family as they grieve for Louis.  It is rare to find a man of Louis's caliber, he will be greatly missed.    

Switching My Focus

Over the last couple of weeks I've been working on switching my focus.  It's time for me to move on.  I have used my blog as a therapy tool and it has really helped.  But recently I've noticed that switching my focus is good for me.  I will continue to write my blog as memories, events, and milestones occur.  It is my hope that my blog has helped others as they grieve the loss of a loved one and I hope each of you will get to the point where you can switch your focus.

For tracking purposes it has been 144 days since I started grieving Erica.  May she rest in peace. 

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning how to dance in the rain.  ~Vivian Greene

Christmas Conundrum

With the first four months after Erica passed away behind us, we inch closer to the end of the year.  All this talk of Christmas in July is getting to me.  I have several issues with the holidays.  The biggest issue is the one I created, my own personal Christmas conundrum.  Five years ago I decided I wanted a baby.  So I set a goal of getting pregnant by Christmas.  Christmas came and I wasn't pregnant so I pushed it back a year.  I will get pregnant by next Christmas.  Well long story short I'm still not pregnant.  This goal I set for myself has ruined the holidays for me.  Everyone around me gets pregnant but not me.  I can already feel the pre-holiday anxiety building.  But this year is different.  This year my Christmas conundrum is compounded by the absence of Erica.  Last year I had a complete melt down and I'd really like to skip this year entirely.  Let this be my notice to my family, this year my Christmas conundrum may be too much for me to handle.